There are several names for that little voice in your head.
Some call it the crow, others a drunk monkey. I’m going with Hyena.
You’ve no doubt heard that maniacal laugh of a Hyena on some nature show or on a wild dip into YouTube. It’s a terrible sound. And unfortunately, that voice is our heads is often just as terrible. That voice will say things to us that we would never say to other human beings. And it uses our own voice to trick us!
Another reason I picked the Hyena to describe that internal voice is because that terrible sound is like a laugh. Our fear of being judged and laughed at holds so many of us back. The question arises, why is it is holding you back? What is the benefit to the brain? Aren’t we supposed to be logical and in control?
The brain has one job; to protect you. How is asking someone to buy or real estate dangerous? Well, without going too deep, our basic brain still works in a tribal system. We wouldn’t have made it long as a species without a normal desire to live in tribes. We are too slow to catch our prey and not fast enough to outrun our predators. We thrived because of our tribe. Being rejected, in a very basic sense, means we are not part of the tribe which equals death. And some people feel like they are dying when they are disconnected or no longer part of their group (tribe).
Once you have a sense of self-identity, your ego does everything it can to protect it. Avoiding social risk is one way. This end credits from the movie Revolver begins to explain how the ego (Hyena) distorts what you see to protect itself (your identity).
So as annoying as that Hyena (ego/voice) is, what it thinks it is doing is saving you from losing your identity which will harm you. What does that Hyena tell you?
- “Don’t call expireds! You will fail (and look foolish).”
- “Don’t go after luxury listings. They will laugh when they see your car.”
- It almost always whispers about failure, shame, or embarrassment.
The problem is, the longer you listen to the Hyena, the stronger it gets. The more you give in the more you think it’s either inevitable or even believe it’s your own voice. Just like they say in the video, the biggest con is that the Hyena makes you think it’s you.
Some great advice from I got from Verl Workman is that “you should talk to your voice (Hyena) instead of listening to it.” That is just amazingly subtle jiu-jitsu. So often we try to drown out the hyena in our head. We distract ourselves with food, alcohol or TV to drown it out. But the ego isn’t actually very good at words. When you start questioning, “Why do I feel this way?” Those answers aren’t very clear. They come back as answers a 5-year-old would say. “I just do!”
I remember one day I was in a bad mood. I had been in for much of the ride home. I’m the guy who is supposed to have this under control I thought to myself. I coach agents on this! I finally, randomly asked myself, “Why aren’t you snapping out of this?
And this very, odd mischievous version of my voice said, “Because I like it.”
It actually left me flummoxed. No part of me had admitted that before. I honestly don’t know if I needed to blow off steam or if there were other underlying issues that needed to be burned off but I just sat back and let it go. But I was now kind of detached from it. And it dissipated by the time I got home.
I’m not sure what works for you to get the Hyena in control. For some, the simple awareness that it exists and that it’s not really you is enough. Others need to try to have a talk with it. Make it understand that you are not in danger. That feeling of “fear” is actually misdiagnosed excitement. Another tactic is to change the voice. That trick of it sounding like your voice is a clever one to make you listen. What if you made it sound like Mickey Mouse, Goofy, or a politician you don’t like? Some people have had success with that.
The last tactic that I have for you is affirmations. Now before you roll your eyes for you that might feel resistant to do this, I submit that you are already doing affirmations every single day. Whatever you say to yourself all day long is just an affirmation of that feeling. And if you want to really know what you are saying/thinking, listen closely when you make a mistake. That’s what the underlying current of feelings really is. What an affirmation on purpose does is make you think in a specific direction. The more you think positively, the more you will see positive but we will get to that later.
For now, start with a slight shift if you are negative. I don’t expect you to completely change your outlook at one moment. If you think you are only a 5 out of 10 as a Realtor, tell yourself you are a 7. Once that feels comfortable, move to an 8.
I was listening to a podcast with a psychiatrist and he mentioned that he had this very smart, capable client that was a janitor but could easily be CEO. While in a session he asked the client what his self-talk was like.
“From the moment I get up to the moment I go to sleep I tell myself I’m a piece of shit.”
Imagine someone following you around all day saying that to you. You would either fight them or give up. The longer something gets said, the more likely you will believe it. And the longer it goes on the more likely you will give up.
Your success will be determined by some key things. One is taming the Hyena. Sometimes we just can’t defeat the hyena on our own. For that, you have your pride here at ROARing Agents. We are here to help you get through the tough times and defeat the hyena, which is perfectly shown in the video below.
Exercise: Write 5 affirmations you can believe about yourself. Write down which of the three tactics you will use to tame the Hyena.
Do the work, get the results.
Next lesson >> Online Lead Scripts